Parenting on my Own

I’ve always considered myself strong and capable in so many ways, yet this little person has the ability to reduce me to a dribbling mess. Why don’t I feel as though I can cope on my own for 7 days? Other women do it. Other women appear to do it with ease, although surely this can’t be the case. Hubby called this morning to tell me that work was sending him away for seven days and six nights and I burst into tears.
How could he do this to me? No I can’t handle it, I told him. This isn’t supposed to happen, the season is winding up, the job will finish in a few weeks anyway, what right do they have to take him away from me? Seven days! There goes my weekly tennis match, there goes my weekend bike ride, there goes any work I was desperately hoping to get done. There goes my sanity.

I must admit, I so enjoy the days with my son, just the two of us. We get up to all kinds of good fun, long walks, picnics by the river, swims in the river, quiet books together, lots of playtime, singing, laughing. I wouldn’t give it up for anything. And when Dad comes home every evening aren’t we both excited! The family is back together, more fun, more walks, more swimming, more picnic dinners outside watching the skippies. Bathtime, bedtime, then whew, a quiet dinner from mum and dad, a catch-up on the day, a few cuddles and smiles.

To not have that break from day to evening, from the two of us to the three of us, depletes me completely. Small grizzles grind into my brain and make me crazy. I get exasperated, exhausted and frustrated and hold my head in my hands, rubbing my eyes. Of course he’s worth it and when I finally put him to bed at night, don’t I miss him! But day after day and night after night of doing it alone seems all too much to bear. Single mums do it every day. Army wives do it every day. They are true heros. But to have the support every day and then have it suddenly taken away is gut-wrenching. How will I get through this? I guess we’ll just have to, there is no other choice. I’m just not used to being forced to do something I don't want to do. But here I am, without any other choice. Wow it’s hard.

The phone just rang, hubby found someone else to take his place for the seven-day trip. He’s coming home tonight. I am humbled like never before and cannot stop the tears. And so continues the roller-coaster of motherhood. :)