In the past few weeks I have read half a dozen articles that all share the same theme: Generation X women have largely chosen their careers over having children. The articles have appeared in the New York Times, Fox News and of course the prominent Mommy Blogs. This current chatter has been inspired by a study that concluded that up to 43% of Generation X women have remained childless. While that number seems unfathomably high to me, I would concede that Gen X women have certainly had more choice in the matter - and substantially more freedom to exercise that choice - compared with previous generations. Did YOU ever consider, really consider, not having children?
When I was in my late 20s and peaking in my consulting career, I met an ambitious and successful woman (who became a very close friend) who told me over a glass of wine that she had decided unequivocally not to have children. To be honest, that was the first time I realized that I actually had a choice to make! Beforehand I had always assumed that I would have children (after all my family has always been so important to my life), but upon meeting this incredible woman I decided to actually think hard about it and consider whether it was something I truly wanted to do.
After all, the opportunities in my career were limitless, my relationships were fulfilling and I had complete freedom to live my life the way I pleased. As an outsider looking in, having children seemed painful (first and foremost fear in my mind), messy, complicated, exhausting and even frightening at times. I had never been inspired by other people’s children and I didn’t feel particularly maternal, so maybe having children just wasn’t me. Maybe it was worth a second thought?
After a few years of contemplation (not to mention waiting for the right man) I was simply unable to get my head around NOT having children. My future children have just always been there, dancing around my subconscious. Enter Mr. Perfect :), a quiet move to a dream location and presto, pregnant. Now I am first, foremost and forever a mother, and would have it no other way. But my consulting career is an anaemic sliver of what it once was. Now I’m lucky to consult part-time, mostly from home to small regional businesses. I do miss the cut and thrust of high-powered, pin-striped, city-centric consulting on ambitious projects, but in the core of my soft heart, I am so much happier, healthier and more fulfilled as a whole than I was then.
I like this post. Can they conceivably have any idea what they're really missing. In short, no.
ReplyDeleteIt's like asking someone who has never travelled and has no desire to, do you think they can really appreciate what the world has to offer?
If you don't desire it, then you can't miss it.
The question is do they feel unfulfilled? And do they think their decision to remain childless will satisfy them when they are 60?
But you'll probably find that like sticks with like. So the childless people will probably hang around other childless people for company.
People with children tend to stick with other families. So I would assume at 60, even 70 I would have kids and possibly grandkids around for those special days of the year.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Mum's Word
(www.mariatedeschi.com/mumsword)
Hi Maria, thanks for commenting. What you say is so true and even though childless people may not realise what they're missing, they are likely to be very happy and fulfilled in life. As I was certain that I would be if I had decided not to have children.
ReplyDeleteIf I were to be totally honest, one of the driving motivations for me to have children was to negate the fear that I had of being old and all alone! Fear is as powerful a motivator as pure desire. And I had fears about having children too of course. My scariest fear about having children was, what if I regret having them? And the guilt associated with even having that thought? We could go round and round and round on this topic, it is such a powerful and timeless and emotionally charged one. It's no wonder it's all over the public conscience.